I dont get you!!

yesterday in the car while picking up my sister, the first thing you did is you were LATE to pick me ..and as soon as i entered the car,you said hi and then,you started your melancholic of life story..started how you were not getting sleep more than 3 hours in past 2 days doing assignment,FYP and etc...yes ,i could noticed the eyebag under your eyes and how you really look ill and tired not forgetting how you shrunk in the PDI shirt i gave you last year.Then you asked me whether we can go print your assignment and handed it immedietly to your lecturer.i agreed and while driving passing UNIMAS gate ,you grabbed your hp and started texting WHILE driving..and being suprised with the busy and awkwardness you multitasking,i offered to handle the stereng while you control the brake and accelerator..then while you handed the task ,my sister called asking where am i.Telling her im at UNIMAS was not first in my mind..but i told her anyway expecting a scold but luckily she was alright and not mad.she shouldnt be mad with ppl who helping her but when you are pregnant ,i have bit doubt there.

so you were stranded 20 minutes at the office and came down saying how your fyp was still in midway and not progressing despite so many effort and time you put on it.and to make matter worse you have the final presentation next friday which means exactly 7 days ahead. i just kept quiet..deep down inside i was so ashamed of myself and guilty toward you for burdening you in such a day like this..i have license but too coward to drive in town..and i have to waste your time in helping me.if you asked me to to your presentation,i am gladly agreed.i have time,money,passion to do that currently.

the thing is, you are busy and want to play badminton to keep healthy and release stress..i agreed.you need badminton in your life more than anything else..i agreed though it might sting a bit.half of the journey we stayed quiet because the space were getting larger.but i decided to stay strong and be patient because if it helps you then you need to do it.so i said tomorrow we wont have to go out.you better do your fyp and finish up your assignment and get enough sleep.you seem happy and when i see happiness i was being hypocrit for im smilling watching you happy.

hypocrit??i know..when 3/4 of me wanted to bring you out and release both of your personal tension and the tension between us ,the other rest of me said this is for your future..and your future will hopefully still have me inside it..then it is important for me too.

today you woke up at noon,sleeping for 9 hours..i was relieved..you paid back your sleepless night.but mind me..im having headache for my menses.and im damn bored..when you told me you gonna played badminton again..it feel like rocks just fall to my head..do you have stress soo much that i even as your gf could not offer any solution to it?and while im writting this,it is not the only reason why i wrote..my head too painful to enable me to think and write..think?yes,im still thinking while im writing this..still erasing any exercebating things and only wrote the minimal of things..

Suicidal case of Late Sachess Qaspie

yes,it is pathetic that im writing on April Fool for the first post of 2011!! it is just that i cant stand being on holiday..yeah,whats wrong with me when it comes to holiday..idk..idk..

2 days ago,UNIMAS was surely shocked to find a 21yo ,m,indian,sabah..JUMP!! to his death at the middle of the unimas bridge..to make this jump fatal,he put some bricks inside his backpack to ensure no coming back to the surface..and he did wrote some of his pre-death syndrome story at his blog,he even smsed his friend ,he WENT to his last lecture that morning..and NOBODY noticed whats wrong with him!!!

but after his death,i think his popularity jumped 1000%..suddenly all nearly 10k unimas student know his name,already assumption why he died spread and trust me,some those symphatized student still able to post at fb saying "if he came to me and told me his problem,he wont have to die"..are you kidding me???WTF??its like he blamed the victim for not looking for him..sorry mister,you are not sincere enough to be someone's shoulder to rely on..

but,i REALLY admire him and respect him (the victim of course!!) that he able to accomplish his suicidal mission.am i being cruel here?well,all of us (might that you who read this) have undergone various states of depression in our life that suicidal thought appeared but somehow first, we just say it aloud that we want to die but as you know,it is just a figure of speech,second we all are coward to do it..and when that deppresion states gone,we praised ourselves that we passed the worst scenario and not taking any fool step in which we jump and died or hang ourselves or slash th wrist blablabla ..do you see here,we blame the step to be a fool step just because we too coward to do it...and because of that,i salute the him for not saying it is a fool step and just go with it..

yes,yes..he might went to hell since suicidal is very wrong in every religion..but he as far as i know regained blessing and symphaty from all of those people who know him before and after the incident ..thanks to media for spreading and increasing the blessing anyway..

so this post is dedicate to late Sachess Qaspie..you are a hero in your own world..you opened a lot of eyes and minds with your action..you are the one where i would proudly to say "YOU DID IT!!"..may you rest in peace ..