hoho..i juz dont want ppl to read my blog anymore..(hopefully those yg remember my blog address,knock themselves down n got severe memory loss...o_0)..waaa jahat li jak jes..hehe..
why i dont want ppl to read it anymore???simply i juz want to write anything that i want ..without concerning what ppl think of it. definitely i wont write something nice laa kan..haha..But i`ll make sure i write some later..ngeh3x..
i think that its better for me to reminisce what REALLY happen past 3 months..i mean that what is inside my setan head..(im being very2 pentingkan diri weyh..huhu...)
remember end of July story??(wont forget it whatttt!!!)..a particular person(bOy la of cuz..) layan me so teruk (teruk gila kah??? mebi x but enuff to make me sedih n cried depan michelle..waaaa)..he might think that what he did its not that kejam..others pun (his ftriends laaa of cuz..) might think that way..why he layan so kejam? juz because i said i might goin out with another senior n indirectly dump him la(rasa nya ya kot nya pikir tym ya..)so,homeostasis ly..nya layan cmya laa k buang rasa suka tek kot..
p/s:eh..pahal aku paham indah keaadaan nya tok..hahha..after alot of muhasabah dirik worrr!!!
at my side of story..at that time ,senior was JUST a story k..(jes is way ToO good in MAking sTory Up!!)haha..truthfully, i HATE to be iN a relationship.....i hate KomiTmen..I jusT enter My Uni life n Got THousand OF MAsalah at that tym..(father,..aunty...stepmother...BOys!!!)..
Growing uP at My Precious SMSK..n one year at matrix REALLYY enuff to stimulate HAte toward DAmn -so-called Creature=Boys!!
Why i hate boy??its not hatred kot..juz meluat saja..haha,what word for meluat tek lam Bi??(bodo tek nak ..)
Lets go back to Smsk life..i admire this senior(the one i made story up!!)..since i was like form 1..unFortunately,he even not looking at me..Busy ngn GF lah..untill he left school kowh ku minat matii ngn miak ya..langsung x ditangga..i know laa..dahlah kasar kita tek nak..haha(besa laa..)..Then when im at matrix,hE STARTED to sms me..I was so happy that i told all my fRiends yg my dreams came true..Then,Shiit MAN ..DAmn Fucking sEnior Told mE he not With His Old GF yet PlayIng with new Gurl..haha..WhiLE sms me lg tu..Just anggap me as adik konOn..F.U.C.K!!!!!!)..hhaha..hehe,after all he knew my feeling yet still buat camya..B.O.D.O.H....why he cant see my feeling owh..i dont give a DAmn Fucking with guys like that..Since then ,no more i lIke him..Girl With The Face like ME Wont,Dont,n shouldnt DEserves the GuyS with ass lIke that!!!!
MAtrix Life..There one boy resemble mY senior ..the way he talk..the way he walk..really interested me..(after all..who can forget a 5 years crush kan..)..i dont plan on liking him..especially this bOy really Got SUPER EGO with him..wouldnt look at me laa..baaeekk punya type la(pious laa tek..)..hey..ilek laa jes,mcm x pnah x kna layan..haha..then,end of matrix nya pdh suka laa tek..Well,lemme tell u what..Almost one year at matrix kan..everyone Knows yg kita s**a satu sama lain..dO u think Confessing ur feeling at the tym i dont feel it right!!(it is not right..ne da jmpa g.. buk mok luah.).what do u think i feel...listening something yg kita dah tauk..haha..i just regret it..
uni life the same boy Confess again tHinking yg we`re at same unMas..haha..what is that..a desperation kah??? i suFFer a lOt during hOlidae(is it HOLIDAy nkah???)..n another confession from him make me feel yg im so malang..Truthfully,at that time i dont like Komitmen..im tired already concerning bout another person..Enuff with father laa..aunty laa..they all menagih komitmen ..n i just wanna have my Own Life when enterinG Uni..I just wanna be when im at smsk..nothing to burden of,so that i cn study again n finish my study n then when i wana have komitmen with my family..
But im the type very cannot tolak ppl frankly..(my weakness..iNherited From my father kot..)I must let them think that their decision is wrong by themselves eventhough i really cost my Good name to bE tercemar,..So i told him lIke that laa..And He started to aCt like that...such a way to blame me..haha..but I dont feel right..i dont want ppl to hate me continuosly like that espcaially that person gave my very mahal present,..so at least i wanna pay something good to him ..so i ask him to go out with me. then i got trapped..trapped till i dont know what happen..lying to myself till i dont know what my true feeling anymore..keep lying to Him n myself till when i woke up i live at my lie...he so gOod To me n keep me lying to him to make him happy..some how i still test him..I try To be as Kaki KikiS as can..(Hahha..what a characteristic..)..menangguhkan tym for declaration..just to make sure i have time to tell him the truth..i was planning this damn good..yet he so good n i ended up to become soft hearted..i dont wanna make him miserable buying things..huhu..dont be so good to me..if only he knows what goin on kan..
Then on 5th Nov 2008..while sending me back to hostel..he did something that ruin my plan ..really ruining my plan...really hate him for that..i spend 2 month keep scheming my plan carefully and he ruin it just in few minutes..something i aint expected..i couldnt get it back..what is this...i was lying n this is my punishment..to be stuck with him..he mght happy..but im not..but thats the thing willbe goin..thats when i told him the truth..i dont really know what he`s thinking..i dont wanna know..knowing what his thinking that make me fall like this..he still happy..i pretending again..
im pretending again..for as long as i can...lying is memenatkan..its painful to be with him..yet im stuck n i have to be with him..i wont buka my feeling but if he want me to lie...i lie...in front of him i couldnt be the real me..masking by my lie before n always..i just let my lie to become a true feeling..that the thing that i hop[e now..so i cn love him as true as i can..will i be ever to know how to love....
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